Mass Text: Thong
- MOM: Girls, I was watching The Doctors today and I just wanted to tell you to NEVER, NEVER, EVER sleep in a thong.
May 2012
17 posts
Mom's Bidness
- MOM: Call me tonight, I can’t think right now.
- ME: Why can’t you think?
- MOM: too many distractions & everybody all up in my bidness
So Relevant
- ME: I’m at the doctor. I had an allergic reaction to something. Maybe coconut.
- MOM: There’s a blog about being allergic to coconut!
Loaded
- DAD: Mom here my first text ever no longer a text virgin
- ME: Wooooow. How does it feel? Do you feel different?
- DAD: I am glad i waited for the right person to have text with
Craigslist Barter
- DAD: Also – got a response on table sale on Craigslist, want to know if I’ll barter for professional tattoo work. I’m thinking Gandalf on the small of my back?
Small Greenhouse
- ME: Do you have any ideas for mom’s birthday?
- DAD: I was thinking of buying a small greenhouse
- ME: Aww that’s nice. What would you grow in it?
- DAD: Pot
- DAD: Or tomatoes
Dad's First Text
- DAD: I ate TOO MUCH AT RED LOBSTER WHERE THE HELL IS PUNCTUATION WHY CAPITALS NOW THIS TOO HARD
Small Crowd
- DAD: A raccoon is eating a dead squirrel on a roof near our house
- ME: Ewww I didn’t want to know that
- DAD: A small crowd has gathered
Beer Olympics
- Mom: are you going to celebrate now that you are finished with junior year?
- Me: yes! I am going to play beer olympics with some friends
- Mom: what’s that?
- Me: you get a team together, pick a country, and play drinking games
- Mom: okay have fun, but don’t go for the gold
- (5 minutes later)
- Mom: and Dad says don’t even go for the bronze
Salmonella
- MOM: Never put nutella on salmon…..
- MOM: ………It will cause salmonella…….
Prom Date
- MOM: are you going to prom?
- ME: Not sure yet, why?
- MOM: your cousin needs a date, I was thinking you could go with him to his prom and he would come to yours!
- ME: That’s disgusting.
Down Dog
- MOM: Doing yoga with the doggies is fun.
- MOM: Aly was lying down next to me while I was (theoretically) in relaxation/corpse pose, but she was wiggling, scratching her back on the carpet. Not relaxing!
Turtle
- ME: Who should i list as a third reference??…should i list aunt bev?
- (4 hours later)
- ME: Hellloooooooooooooo??
- MOM: Yes sorry been playin with the turtle!
