And Ever
- Dad: I wub u forever.
February 2011
327 posts
The Blizzard of '82
- MOM: Washington and St. Louis to get ice and snow Mon-Wed: they are telling us it will be like the blizzard of ‘82. I was a sr in college. I think you will be getting some of it too. They are telling us to prepare to loose power. Make sure you have enough pnut butter to eat.
January 2011
643 posts
Church Guilt
- Mom: So you didn’t go to church today?
- Me: Well I woke up, but then I fell back asleep.
- Mom: Did Jesus ever go back to sleep?
- Me: He probably did when He ascended into Heaven to rest.
- Mom: Yes, from dying for your sins, just sayin.
Threats
- Mom: Frost bite is a real threat
- Mom: $:-)--- bowtie ladie
Wiggle
- Dad: Sorry this is late, my phone didn’t wiggle.
Eager
- Me: Guess what!
- Dad: What?
- Dad: What WHAT?
- Dad: WHAT WHAT WHAT?
- Me: Im going to Guatemala but im raising the money
- Dad: Nice. That’s a lot of dinero.
- Dad: Lire
- Dad: Shekels
- Dad: Pesos
- Me: STOP. please.
Tear(s)
- Mom: Well anyway. If you want to shed a tear, go ahead but make sure it isn’t tears because you feel sorry for yourself. Pound forward.
Impressions
- Mom: How much???? (said like Borat)
Abandonment Issues
- Mom: How come u left me on the cruise ship all alone?
- Me: Um what?
- Mom: In my dream we were goin 2gthr and u missd the boat
Internet Star
- Dad: Oooof!
- Me: Ooof? Is that a sound?
- Dad: Kind of like a woof without a W.
- Me: Lol that’s what I thought.
- Dad: Better than WTF! Didn’t think that would be appropriate as a dad-daughter thing
- Me: I’m going to submit this to whenparentstext.com
- Dad: I’m already on YouTube. I can handle the publicity.
Excurision Rules
- Dad: Ok heres the skinny on our little excursion. All those riding with me meet at 2:00. Nick is taking the fun bus so its just you and your friends. Here are the ground rules everyone should bring a blanket and a pillow and give 25 dollars before we leave. Absolutely no contraban allowed. Code names or nick names are required on this trip. Mine is elvis, you will refer to me as elvis or sir only I will be treated with respect. I will have complete control over the radio and cd player. There will be singing. All fellow travelers will be required to sing along with at least one rolling stones song. Complaints about my singing or driving will not be tolerated, If these conditions are acceptable to you I will see you at 2:00.
GJ Tom Turk
- Mom: Went to store bought GJ Tom Turk
- Me: Bought what?
- Mom: Grape juice tomatoes turkey call me
Life Alert
- Dad: Hello…r u there?
- Dad: I’ve fallen and I can’t get up
- Daughter: ?????
- Dad: I’m just preparing you for when I get old
Whale Talk
- Me: How was kayaking? Did you see any dolphins?
- Mom: Water is super clear and super cold! And no dolphins…which is probably better since I only speak whale lol
Creaming
- Mom: Remember to keep creaming the bottom of your tender feet this time of year! xo momma
No Lies
- Me: are you on your way?
- Dad: on the toilet
- Me: gross, you didn’t need to tell me that
- Dad: Well, I didn’t want to lie to you
Initiation
- Me: Mom, I’m getting initiated tonight! I’m kind of nervous though
- Mom: Y?
- Me: I heard it’s kind of weird
- Mom: Are they going to take u somewhere and crack eggs on your heard or leave u out naked in the cold?
- Mom: Or put u into a car wash and spray u with water?
September
- Me: Ashley is due Sept. 23
- Mom: Cool Septemeber is my favorite weather month
Bird Aficionado
- Mom: I have 5 bluejays….3 cardinals….and a red bellied woodpecker all taking turns at the feeding box in my window…..all sitting in the tree right there waiting their turn….gosh I love that!
Empty Nest
- me: how are things at home?
- mom: your dad farts too much
